This story is going to be used to kick off Average Men’s Fireside Stories section of the site. I figure I might as well be the first to tell one of my stories.
So I think I had just recently graduated high school and me and a group of friends went out to eat at a Chinese restaurant in the next town over. When we were done it was moderately late in the evening probably around 9 or 10.
“Magic the Gathering” was a game that we all played at the time and for those that don’t know it’s a card game. We went back to our town to a shopping center and decided to play the card game in the parking lot, which in this small town the shopping center was completely empty except for us at that time of day.
I had stepped away towards the corner of the shopping center to talk to my girlfriend at the time on my fancy slider phone. During my conversation with her my stomach began to gurgle…. and gurgle…. and gurgle. Me being as stubborn as I am, I’m trying to hold it in beginning to sweat in the fall weather, until well, I shat myself, and no not the solid kind. So I’m still on the phone with my girlfriend and all I say is “babe, I’ve gotta go” and I hung up the phone.
At this point I’m starting to panic, There’s no way I can go back to my group of friends with my crap filled pants so I do what any reasonable person would do, I go behind the shopping center. My stomach is still gurgling at this point and I strip off my pants and boxers and throw my boxers as far as they’ll go and continue to do my business. Whenever I was done I realized I had nothing to wipe with. So I began to roll around in the grass, which was wet from the dew. I put back on my pants without my boxers and realize I hear laughing…
Little did I know that behind that shopping center was a 2 story building where someone lived. They were on the second floor on their balcony watching me strip down and crap all in their yard and roll around in the wet grass. I immediately ran away from them back to my friends who were all packing up the cards and getting ready to go. Here’s the kicker, I didn’t have my own car at the time and I rode with one of them. When I got in their vehicle everyone was like what’s that smell? I told them all I must have sat in some sewage or something at the back of the shopping center. No, none of them caught on, but I did eventually tell them the truth.
This was a story from Average Men’s own Chris Erwin from TN
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